Vocāre!

I’m considering my occasional tendencies for hesitation, procrastination, and those times when I felt that I should have used my voice but didn’t. What were the repercussions of these actions? 

Thinking specifically about the repercussions of hesitating, I find that when it’s an emotional hesitation, such as second guessing myself out of some perceived fear of the unknown, people can usually read this through my body language or facial expressions if they’re paying attention. This removes their confidence in me and creates an entirely unproductive way to interact. If I give the emotional doubt further space in my thoughts, I will begin to believe it. When I believe these doubts, I create timid behavioral patterns, and I cannot perform to the best of my abilities. 

To over come these moments of self doubt, I focus my awareness on developing an unwavering belief in my abilities. Why should I believe? Simply put, I have built a solid foundation through working, studying, and showing up consistently for years. My case studies are shown through my resume, reels, and my lasting professional relationships. I have experienced and overcome enough difference in the application of my craft to know that I can handle anything. The result of the product is derived from doing the work to the best of my abilities within the time frame given, and beyond that, I have no control.

Also, when we hesitate, it gives room for others that are trying to overshadow your energy the space to dominate the conversation or situation. A project is a team, and when you are on a team, everything about you is valuable to progress. Part of your professionality is built on your ability to communicate effectively and to respond with alertness. I have noticed that, at times when I chose to not speak up or would respond hesitantly, it was looked at as ignorance or a weakness to exploit. Some people thrive off of other peoples suffering, and sometimes the only way to avoid being a victim is to decide not to be one. We must respond. Stay calm, stay focused, and then speak! It’s ok to be wrong, and if you don’t know something, say it. The purpose shouldn’t be for perfection, it should be for results. Let the purpose inspire you into action. Most importantly BE INSPIRED. You are there for a reason, so invoke and embody it.

I also find that I want to place the blame for my occasional procrastination to initiate certain opportunities on my self-proclaimed shyness. But when reflecting over my life, this is something that I’m truly beginning to understand as only a personalized construct that I have “SELF–PROCLAIMED”. At some point I decided to accept this shyness as truth, and I allowed that “shy program” to execute within almost everyone of my interactions. Therefore, I’ve given an excuse to myself for self-sabotage because …I’m shy…really?? Yeah I know, really stupid!

When I was a child, I don’t recall being shy. I’ve seen shy kids, hiding behind their parents legs, peaking out smiling (or, unable to make contact, averting their eyes) only to retreat again into the universe of “if it’s not seen, it doesn’t exist”. It’s adorable, but it wasn’t exactly what I remember experiencing. At some point, I learned how to be shy and convinced myself to act out this program as a defense mechanism. Which means if I learned this mannerism I can unlearn this.

I’m not referring to being patient as procrastination. I strive to make wise decisions and not blindly or rashly jump into situations just to force the results. To be honest though, sometimes even being patient can feel like I’m perhaps hesitating. I’m usually staying active for the most part, I have a “show up everyday” lifestyle and philosophy towards accomplishing my tasks, and I focus on creating enough space to look at a given situation and ask “What’s the natural course of things?”. Then why am I intimidated or ever overwhelmed to the point of paralysis (perpetual procrastination until the opportunity passes)?

I know that the more I encounter, or place myself into situations where I feel anxiety creeping over me, it loosens its effect as long as I keep moving forward. The next time I encounter that situation, I no longer feel so overwhelmed. The more I maintain my sanity during these experiences, and push through the uncomfortable moments, the layers and weight of anxiety inevitably disappears. A lot of anxiety is how our psyche interprets nervous excitement or fear, and the trick to overcoming it is to be aware of the two distinctions. Call yourself out on it, and decide to just feel excited.

Designing, writing, teaching, and typically every one of my professional endeavors places me in high pressured situations that demands my self-awareness: Focus, response, belief in my actions, relationships, communication and willingness to engage. I’m constantly inundated by sensory information, and I have to respond accordingly to play in the game of life that I’ve chosen. 

Action Plan: I’ve decided that I will no longer conceptualize any part of my self-identify as shy or give way to misinterpreted anxieties that perversely inform me of who I am and what I can not do. By doing this, I am becoming more and more aware of my instinctual responses. When my hesitant actions are zoomed in on, I can often dwindle the cause down to fight or flight response programs in my cognition. Therefore, I’m going to clean my mental and emotional facilities of these particular flight-mantras. When the thought arises that I can’t or that I’m not good enough, I immediately tell myself with unquestionable belief “No, I’m going to rock this”.

Why have the audacity to approach life this way? Because Y.O.L.O! That’s right Y.O.L.O! We only have this one conscious version of life to embrace and to explore or express everything that we deem worthy of our time. Hesitation, timidness, and procrastination are qualities that are not worth something as precious as your time. You are alive. This is your moment. Reality is NOW!